Out of Time Chapters 27½, 27¾ and 28⅞
by Shirou Shinjin
Summary: It's been a whole two days since SiriusFan13 updated, so to placate her rabid horde of fans, I've managed to find and post the current draft for the next chapter! Parody of Out of Time by SiriusFan13, posted by request of SiriusFan13.
1. Chapter 27½: Out of the Frying Pan…

**Out of Time Chapter 27½: Out of the Frying Pan…**

_18-something-or-other_

Leaning slightly on his katana to support his aching legs, Saito carefully pulled himself to his feet. His lunge at the Battousai had taken more out of him then he would have liked to admit. Speaking of which, Saito could have sworn he'd heard Battousai's cheer squad right before he'd skewered the young hitokiri. But when he glanced up in the direction Battousai had turned, all he saw was an empty alleyway. How odd. None the less, he had bigger fish to fry (or if he was feeling malicious: a small fry to fish out...).

Walking over to the river, he carefully moved down to the riverbank, half sliding, half limping. If he hadn't been carrying a blood-stained sword, anyone watching him would have probably burst out laughing.

Eventually, he managed to safely make his way down, and fished around inside the water. After a moment of searching, he pulled the sopping wet redhead from the freezing water, and hauled him onto the bank.

He was frozen, wet, and largely unconscious, but Saito could still recognise the older Himura Kenshin. He'd done it—without even a working knowledge of temporal mechanics, he'd sent the teenage Battousai back to the past. Something lesser men would have needed a botched-up Delorean for (not that he knew what a Delorean was).

Instead of assisting the ex-hitokiri in his fight for consciousness, Saito decided to have a quick smoke before the peace and quiet was inevitably broken.

Looking around, it suddenly occurred to Saito that something wasn't quite right. The city looked somewhat... dilapidated. The buildings weren't quite as well kept as he remembered. He didn't get to ponder this for very long as the rurouni beside him began waking up in a loud bout of coughing and vomiting up river water. Saito chose to stand well away lest his pants get any more ruined.

Tokio would have his head as it was...

When he had managed to work out how to breathe once again, Kenshin looked up at the wolf with a cautious look. "Saito?" he asked somewhat hesitantly.

"Battousai," Saito responded with an indifferent nod of his head.

"Meiji Saito?"

"If I wasn't, would you still be alive?"

"Good point, de gozaru. I can't believe I'm finally back, de gozaru yo," Kenshin sighed, collapsing back onto the muddy bank, content to be breathing and less dead than he had originally assumed.

"Yes, well, I wouldn't want to deprive my past self the opportunity to kill you when you were still at your best," Saito countered, unwilling to let his nemesis think he'd actually wanted to help him.

"Oro! None the less, thank you for your help, Saito."

"I'd really rather you didn't mentio..."

Saito never got to finish his sentence as a tall man in a blue gi and grey hakama appeared at the top of the river bank, daisho at his waist.

"Battousai? I've taken care of the Bakufu anti-assassin and..."

Shishio Makoto stared in disbelief at the half-dead ex-hitokiri, and what appeared to be the leader of the third unit of the Shinsengumi wearing some absurd getup, sitting on a riverbank having a casual chat. The two of them looked as if they'd just been caught in some compromising position by their parents (and/or wives). This was obviously not happening. He was hallucinating; yes, that was it. He'd had a bit too much sake, and he would feel much better after he went and found a kitten to stomp on, or something.

So the Ishin-shishi hitokiri wobbled off, not entirely convinced of his own sanity, leaving Kenshin and Saito to wonder how things could possibly get any worse. Then Kenshin remembered that not only did this mean his past self was in the Meiji, but so was Saito's...

"Kuso, de gozaru."

* * *

**Author's Rambling**

On the off chance you can't tell, this short bout of insanity is a parody of SiriusFan13's excellent work _Out of Time_. If you didn't get why this is as funny as I desperately hope it is, go check out the original story. You can find it on FFNet under story ID 2149801.

Anyway, hope you enjoyed this, and don't worry: I'm sure Sirius won't be quite as cruel in the _real_ chapter 28...

–賜狼審神

_27th August, 2005_


	2. Chapter 27¾: Deus Ex Machina

**Out of Time Chapter 27¾: Deus Ex Machina**

_1865_

For the first time he could remember since that Thursday after his wedding night, Saito was at a loss for words. Various incomprehensible sounds made a valiant attempt to make their way past his lips, but nothing resembling actual articulate words. He was so off kilter that he had actually forgotten to scowl.

Saito had erroneously assumed that knocking his short nemesis off the bridge would nicely send him back to the past where he belonged, and give him a good laugh to boot. He hadn't been prepared in the least for being sent back himself, and was now quite unsure on how to proceed.

"Kuso, de gozaru," he heard the rurouni beside him mutter under his breath.

"Aa," was all Saito could say in reply.

"Now what, de gozaru ka?" Kenshin asked him.

Well, if that wasn't the billion yen question of the hour; how was he supposed to know? "I could try stabbing you again," he offered.

"I don't think so, de gozaru."

To this, Saito gave a non-committal shrug, and started clambering up to the street above. "We should probably move quickly—the third squad won't be far behind, and I would rather not have to explain all this," he said, gesturing vaguely in Kenshin's general direction as the rurouni made an effort to drag himself up to street level.

"Saito, has it occurred to you that maybe we've got this all wrong de gozaru ka?"

"Ahou. If we knew what we were doing, then we wouldn't be in this mess, now would we?" Saito replied somewhat testily.

"All sessha is saying is that there must be something we're overlooking... there must be a way to get back to the future de gozaru!"

"Well of course there is!"

Kenshin and Saito turned to see an odd, short man with greying hair and dark western clothes standing in front of what looked suspiciously like an elevator... except without the rest of the building. It was adorned with various flashing lights and was emitting a copious amount of smoke that screamed "cheap 80's sci-fi film". Obviously, either of them had ever seen a cheap 80's sci-fi film–that line was more for your benefit than theirs.

"Do you see that, Battousai?" Saito asked in what he hoped was a casual manner, despite the growing sense of confusion.

"Hai," Kenshin replied just as casually.

"Damn."

By this stage, Kenshin and Saito had ceased to be surprised, but still hadn't quite gotten around to working out how, exactly, to deal with this. The elevator, and the man standing in front of it, were summarily filed in their mental "weird crap I don't want to deal with" list for future reference.

"Hope I didn't startle you," the strange man answered in a mostly passable imitation of the Japanese language as spoken by a Portuguese sailor. "Allow me to introduce myself: I am Brown."

"Actually, you seem more pinkish..." Kenshin helpfully pointed out, desperate to find some sensible, _normal_ frame of reference.

"Not to mention that jacket is clearly black," Saito added, still attempting to look nonplussed. Then he remembered who he was, and tried scowling instead.

"Not my clothes—my name! My name is Brown!"

"Do names _have_ colours de gozaru ka?" Kenshin asked the now furiously scowling man beside him.

"I believe," Saito began, carefully considering his words, "that he means his name is _Brown_, not that his name _is_ Brown."

"I see," Kenshin said, not entirely sure if he did, but merely wanting the hurting in his head to stop. Being beaten up, stabbed, and dropped in a freezing river will do that to a guy.

"Well," the Brown person asked, "are you going to stand there all day, or are you going to come along? We have to get you two back to your own time!"

"Back?" Kenshin asked hopefully, finally recognizing a simple concept he could latch on to.

"Of course!"

"Back where I belong and not, say, in the middle of the Heian era de gozaru ka?"

"Right back where you belong," Brown said, smiling congenially. Saito continued scowling.

Kenshin visibly cheered up at the thought of going back to Kaoru (oh, and his other friends, too) until a frown crossed his face. "How?" He didn't particularly feel like being stabbed again. Or falling of the bridge. Or in fact, having anything else to do with bridges if it could be helped.

"With my time machine!" Brown exclaimed excitedly, gesticulating at the bizarre contraption behind him. He said it in the tone of voice of someone who fully expected his audience to be impressed and clap and cheer and make "oooh!" noises.

Kenshin blinked. Saito sniffed in a manner that conveyed a generalised sense of annoyance.

Brown held his pose for several more seconds, hoping the two temporally displaced men would get the hint, but eventually gave up and shuffled into the elevator without ceremony.

Kenshin and Saito duly followed. They were not ones to look a gift horse in the mouth, even if it _was_ standing on its hind legs dressed in a Kabuki costume and singing a loud drinking song. At this point, they really didn't care what it was doing.

Once inside, Brown pushed a button marked "Fourth Floor, Lingerie" and the doors began to close. "You may wish to hold on to something," he nonchalantly mentioned. Saito held onto the rail attached to the inside of the elevator. Kenshin chose to sit and pray he would live to see Kaoru again.

The doors closed, a pleasant "ding!" was heard, and then the elevator's occupants got to feel what it was like to have your organs rush madly down to your feet only to discover it was all some horrible trick gravity was playing on them and there was no free concert. This sensation lasted only a scant second or two before it was replaced with an uneasy feeling of moving very fast indeed without really knowing just how fast.

"What was that?" Saito asked, hoping against hope the unpleasant feeling he'd had moment before wasn't him further ruining his pants.

"Zero to eighty-eight in one and a half seconds!" Brown answered enthusiastically, seemingly unaffected by the sudden acceleration.

Kenshin, meanwhile had recovered nicely and was having an otherwise thoroughly enjoyable sit, when curiosity got the better of him.

"Do you know why all this happened de gozaru?" he asked plainly.

"Fanfic authors," Brown declared, as if that explained everything.

"Fa-nu-fi-ku?" Kenshin tried (with some success) to ask. Saito resumed scowling.

"Yeah... they're losers with no life whatsoever who write these droll stories about other people's characters because they're so lacking in creativity that they..."

At this point, a bolt of lighting shot down from the ceiling, and a loud voice boomed "watch it...".

"Ahem. What I meant to say is that fanfic authors are creative individuals who enhance a fictional universe, and bring new characters and diversity, and uh..." He realized he was rapidly losing Kenshin's interest, so he tried a different tack. "Anyway, the problem are all these bloody time-travel fics they write. They're almost all done with no forethought to temporal mechanics whatsoever! In some cases, they aren't even consistent with their own timeline...

"Its gotten so bad, that holes have starting popping up in random fanfics, causing characters to drop through the space-time continuum like rocks through a wet paper bag." At this, he leaned over towards Kenshin and harshly whispered, "I _hate_ wet paper bags," into his ear before resuming.

"That's why I'm here. I'm from the Brown League for Temporaility Society.

_Somewhere, in a fic far, far away, a beheaded ghost suddenly exclaimed "BLTs! We shoulda gone with BLTs! That's so much better than Poor Bastards Killed by..."_

"Our mission is to go through space and time and correct all the little hiccups caused by careless authors. The society was formed by my great grandfather, and has kinda run in the family ever since." He leaned against the wall and patted what Kenshin and Saito could only assume was a control panel. "We've each built our own time machines. This one is, as you can see, a modified 20th century elevator from Harod's in London. My grandfather's was a police phone box, and my great grandfather made his out of a passenger train, although at one stage he also had a DeLorean..."

"Umm... what does this..." Kenshin attempted to ask, but not before Brown continued reminiscing.

"My father made his out of his closest. Imagine his mother's surprise when one day her son's closest went shooting out of the wall of her house at eighty-eight miles per hour before disappearing moments before hitting the lawn. Two weeks later, it reappeared and promptly exploded in flames!" Brown laughed a moment, before turning to his passengers. "You should probably grab hold of something again."

Having learnt their lesson the last time, Saito made sure to _very_ securely grip the handrail without looking like he was worried of losing bladder control. Kenshin decided that sitting had worked well enough last time, but that he very much wanted to get off now.

"Ding," went the elevator.

* * *

_1878_

"Whump" went Kenshin's head as he hit the ceiling at almost eighty-eight miles per hour.

"Wow. That's really gotta hurt," Brown mused as he watched a small geyser of blood spurt from the rurouni's head. "Will she be alright?"

"He's been training for this sort of damage for the last few months," Saito nodded sagely before he resumed his scowl. "He has a personal instructor who beats him over the head day in, day out just for occasions such as this."

"I see... what's that noise she's making?" Brown asked as Kenshin began oro-ing in much the same way a wounded kitten would mewl after being stomped on by a confused hitokiki.

"I think it means he's still alive. Kind of like 'itai', but much more annoying," Saito threw over his shoulder as he dragged the unconscious rurouni out of the elevator and onto the bridge.

Before Saito, frozen in time was himself in his old Shinsengumi uniform, and a large Kenshin-shaped splash in the river below. Saito had to admit, his posture really was better back then; but he definitely looked better in black. Light blue was such a sissy colour.

Pulling something out of a small cupboard inside the elevator, Brown stepped out and turned to Saito. "Well, here's the tricky bit... I have to put you two in the correct spot, then take those two back to where they belong. That's where this comes in handy."

The object he held in his hands was one of the oddest things Saito had ever seen. It looked as if someone had started by designing a gun, but then decided after the hilt was finished that a _cannon_ would be more fun, had then gotten very hungry and decided to weld a wok onto the end, before finally coming to the conclusion that four pointy claw-like things on the end would just look wicked-awesome. "Zero-point energy field manipulator," Brown winked, as if that was supposed to mean anything whatsoever.

Brown pointed the contraption at Saito's younger self, and pulled the trigger. The device began humming, and Saito (1865) suddenly jumped up into the air. Brown then casually swung the device back towards the elevator, taking Saito (1865) and placing him gently inside.

He repeated the process with Kenshin (1865), before picking up Kenshin (1878) and dumping him in the river where his younger (1865) counterpart was moments (13 seconds) before. Saito (1878) would never admit to this, but watching Kenshin (of whatever year) get dumped into the same freezing river _again_ was one of the most satisfying moments of his life.

"Why is sessha in the river again de gozaru ka?" a small voice asked plaintively from inside the cloud of inanimate water.

"Just hold still—we're almost done," Brown responded before unceremoniously picking Saito up, and depositing him in the correct place. A few minor adjustments of his various limbs, and Brown stepped back with a pleased expression on his face. "There! Back where you belong! Now all I have to do is erase your memories, and restart time."

"Oh good," Kenshin sighed, "sessha was beginning to... wait... erase our memories?" he exclaimed, suddenly worried.

"Of course! I can't have you going around telling people you were rescued by a time-travelling elevator!" With this, Brown pulled what looked _exactly_ like a gun from his pocket. "Now don't worry—this is going to hurt an awful lot, but at least you won't remember any of it!"

Taking one last look at the desperately scowling Wolf of Mibu and a soon-to-be-drenched-yet-again rurouni, a stray thought crossed his mind as he pulled the trigger...

"Wait a second... he's a guy!

* * *

As Kenshin lay suspended in the water, he felt a sharp pain building in his head as if something was attempting to burrow in through his skull. He slowly felt his grip on the now slipping, and one thought that had been pushed to the back of his mind by the recent turn of events flared up in his confused mind. Reaching out he grabbed it and held it, even as he felt the water around him begin to flow once more, and darkness enveloped him...

_Kaoru..._

* * *

_2005_

**Author's Rambling**

When one posts a review comment as a ficlet, one would logically expect a few passing comments to the effect that it doesn't really qualify as a fic by itself, and should probably have been left in the reviews where it belongs. One does _not_ expect to be attacked by such phrases as:

"I'm rolling on the floor and out of breath!",

"Funny... too funny...", or

"now all you have to do is write more stuff".

One also should not refer to oneself in the third person.

I never really gave any thought to _continuing_ this silly little thing, but I figured if I nailed the coffin shut, that would stave off any requests for me to rewrite Sirius' fic in my own style (eek).

As you can no doubt guess, Chapter 27¾ leads directly into Chapter 28 of Out of Time, and neatly undoes everything Chapter 27½ did. Hence the title.

I have to admit, that I didn't really put that much effort into this. I basically just wrote it as I went along. At the moment, I'm swamped by work, and the few hours I spent fiddling with this was very relaxing and maybe I should do it more often.

One note: the elevator button was originally going to read "Tacos", but I found "Fourth Floor, Lingerie" to be funnier for some reason. Bonus Scowling Saito Cookie to whoever works out that reference .

Regarding that last paragraph, whilst it's fun doing parody and humour, I'm a sucker for WAFF at heart, hence why it gets all serious at the end. That, and I wanted to (hopefully, since I haven't seen it) segue nicely into the next chapter of _Out of Time_.

Also, if you happen to see a few more stories pop up on my account over the next few days, blame SiriusFan13. It's all _her_ fault...

Finally, my apologies if I've stuffed up Kenshin's sentence-enders. I only really used them in this fic because if I didn't, "Kuso, de gozaru" wouldn't have been nearly as funny .

Anyway, I have work to get back to, and I've taken up enough of your time as it is. Thanks for reading.

Ja, ne

–賜狼審神

_2nd September, 2005_


	3. Chapter 28⅞: Going Way Too Far

**Out of Time Chapter 28⅞: Going Way Too Far**

"What? No more parody reviews! I'm crushed (laughs) Can't wait to see more of what you come up with yourself, anyway..."

_-- SiriusFan13_

"You're going to regret that..."

-- _Me_

* * *

Gently the older Kenshin smiled at Battousai. "I believe this is your path," he said softly, pointing in the direction from which he'd just come. He cleared his throat, and glanced away. "It's going to be a hard road, that it most certainly is... but don't give up. There's always light at the end of even the darkest roads..." 

The boy just nodded awkwardly. "Thank you," he murmured. How did one respond to himself?

He bowed briefly and continued down his path. He'd only made it a few feet, when he heard the sound of several dozen young girls screaming "Get them!"

Suddenly, pandemonium descended on the crossing as very many rabid fangirl fanfic authors pounced on the unsuspecting pair. The sheer absurdity of their situation prevented them from reacting until they were pinned to the ground by several manically grinning young women. Without warning, they held awful-smelling cloths over their faces, and the brightness faded.

* * *

When he awoke, Kenshin was beside himself and confused. I mean, literally beside himself. He was sitting in a small, cramped cage with at least a dozen other identical Kenshins, as well as a few Battousais. "What was in that rag, de gozaru ka?" 

"That's what we'd like to know, de gozaru," a Kenshin replied flatly. They didn't seem very happy.

"What's going on, de gozaru?"

"Quiet in there!" a high-pitched voice shouted from outside. Kenshin suddenly got a feel for how deep in it he was when he saw that the cage was actually part of a long caravan of cages full of Kenshins and Battousais. They were travelling down the paths of light, and every so often the caravan would stop for a moment as one of the fangirls pulled a Kenshin or Battousai out of a cage, hurled him off the path, then followed after him.

"What are they doing with them, er, I mean me, I mean..."

"They're tossing us into alternate dimensions, or so they say," a nearby Battousai informed him. "It seems that's how these... fa-nu-gu-ro-ru-su get us into their stories."

"But... why are there so many of us?"

Another fangirl rapped on the side of the cage. "Thanks to this!" She held up what looks to you and I like a microwave with a giant light bulb inside.

"What is it?"

"It's the E-Z Clone!"

Without warning, every fangirl in the caravan burst into song:

"E-Z Clone, E-Z Clone,

fun for you, first there's one, and then there's two!

E-Z Clone, E-Z Clone,

fun for me, first there's two and then there's THREEEEEEEE!"

"There appears to be far more than three of me, de gozaru."

"Well, you know... law of exponentials and all that!"

Kenshin turned to himself conspiratorially. Conspirator noticed this, but was too busy trying to get Co-conspirator to check her drafts. "Sessha thinks we should escape, de gozaru."

"Sessha agrees with you, de gozaru."

Another Kenshin joined in. "Sessha thinks we should rush out when they open the cage again, de gozaru."

The first Kenshin looked at the third in surprise. "Wow, does sessha really sound like that, de gozaru ka?"

"Yup, de gozaru," a fourth replied.

"Kami. And to think I 'grow up' to be **you**," Battousai #5 muttered in an annoyed tone. "Maybe if I start swearing now, I can head all that 'sessha' and 'de gozaru' rubbish off..."

The cage lurched as the caravan came to a stop. A fangirl opened the cage door. "Ok, we need a Ken-chan and a Battou-kun for a KKB fic! It's rated R, wink, wink, nudge, nudge."

A few of the Kenshins and Battousais glanced at each other. "Do we really have to escape?" they asked simultaneously.

"Escape?" asked the fangirl.

"Kuso. Charge, de gozaru!" Kenshin #something-or-other yelled before rushing the fangirl. In moments, the entire cage had poured out onto the path and was running like mad.

"After them! Don't let them escape! I need them for my Kenshin+Saito ai-shonen fic!"

This was clearly a mistake as the Kenshins ran even faster.

Meanwhile...

"Shouldn't he be back by now?" asked an annoyed Sano. He was getting sick of wading around in the river, waiting for Kenshin to reappear.

Saito shrugged. "How should I know? I'm going home. Have fun, tori-ahou."

For once in these parodies, it was Sano's turn to scowl. Lucky for him, Saito didn't see this or he would have Gatotsued him for stealing his "look".

Kaoru, meanwhile, was standing in the river, resolutely staring into the waters. "Please Kenshin," she whispered into the cold water, "please come home."

Suddenly (what, you think I'd give them warning?) a blinding white light filled the river. Kaoru didn't even get to scream as she was enveloped by the light...

...and was suddenly surrounded by three dozen Kenshins, and more than a few Battousais.

Then she squealed as she attempted to get her arms around the closest one—gotta glomp em all!

"Woo-hoo, de gozaru!"

* * *

Several weeks later, we find the Kamiya dojo filled to bursting with pink wearing 

"IT'S MAGENTA! SESSHA DOES NOT WEAR **_PINK!_**"

Sheesh! Bite my head off, why don'tcha? ahem Bursting with MAGENTA wearing Kenshins, and Battousais garbed in manly blue gis. (Happy now?)

(Relatively, de gozaru.)

Kaoru is, of course, on cloud nine. She has Kenshins for cooking, Kenshins for washing, Kenshins preparing her baths day and night, Battousais carrying groceries and several of each practically waiting on her hand and foot. Maybe even a few for her elbows, too.

However, this is a parody fic, so we all know what's going to happen now...

As Kaoru walked through the dojo yard, surveying her harem of Himuras, she heard a loud series of "Oro!"s and "What the hell?" as Kenshins and Battousais went flying from the well. In a flash of light, an elevator appeared, electricity leaping from it onto the dojo room, and into the hair of several nearby rurounis. Luckily, no pretty red hair was harmed.

As the doors slowly parted, and dramatic smoke poured dramatically from the opening, the jointly assembled Kenshins cried out: "The Brown League for Temporaility Society!"

"WRONG!"

And out of the elevator stepped a tall man with blond hair, a moustache, a khaki army uniform from the waist up, a frilly pink ballerina costume from the waist down, and a sparkly magic wand in his right hand.

In the end, it took a slightly-less baffled Kenshin to break the silence. "Who are you?"

"Sergeant-Major Biggles, British Army, Plot Consistency Division! I'm here to sort this bloody mess out."

With a wave of his magic wand, the Kenshins and Battousais stood assembled before the lift. He then turned to the opening. "Alright, out you come. That's right—single file. Don't dawdle. And NO GLOMPING!"

Out from the lift filed a long line of the fangirls the various Kenshins thought they'd escaped from. They lined up in front of the lift, and Sgt. Major Biggles turned to address them.

"Alright, you all know the drill. You'll each be assigned between one and two Himuras, depending on your fanfic. Once you have been assigned your Kenshins and/or Battousais, you will make your way back into the Time-Elevator where you will be sent to the appropriate universe. Any questions?"

"Can I..."

"Good! On with the show!"

And so, one by one, the Kenshins were dragged off by the rabid fangirls back to the universes of their own devising. Some of them tried to weasel themselves a few extra.

"But, but... I need TWO Battousais! It's critical to my plot line!"

"Rubbish! You just want to let all that pretty red hair down like Nekotsuki did for twenty chapters in Tanabata Jasmine! BACK IN LINE!"

Some tried to change their minds.

"I actually need a Kenshin AND a Battousai."

"Why?"

"I've decided to change it from 'Kenshin Does the Shopping' to 'Kenshin and Battousai Do Kaoru'."

"Nice try—someone's already done that one."

Kaoru, of course, beat several Kenshins mercilessly for that one. Then she blushed madly and hid behind a Battousai.

Finally, there was only one Kenshin left.

"Well," Biggles began, checking his clipboard. "This one, you get to keep."

"Mou. Just one?"

Kenshin looked upset. "Is one of me not enough, Kaoru-dono?" he asked unhappily.

Kaoru looked at her suddenly fascinating tabi. "Mou... of course. One of you is perfect, Kenshin." She looked up at him with a small smile. "But more of you is even more perfect."

"Well, sessha will try to make up for it, de gozaru."

"Alright, enough of that, you two. I have other universes to go fix." He strode off for the elevator mumbling something about fanfic authors and sharp, pointy objects.

"Wait, Biggles-dono! If you're not from the BLTS, then why do you have a Time-Elevator?"

"We're Lift Pooling!" Brown said, poking his head around the side of the door.

A few moments later, Sgt. Major Biggles and co. disappeared with a loud "Ding!".

And so, Kenshin and Kaoru stood in the yard. And stood. And stood some more.

"Kenshin? Shouldn't the review comment have ended by now?"

"Sessha thinks this is a bit long for a review comment, de gozaru. It's already four pages long, de gozaru yo."

"Mou! Why won't it just end!"

"Maybe because the author can't think of a suitably funny way to end it."

"You mean he's run out of ideas?"

"It seems that way, de gozaru."

"What will we do? We can't just wait around for him to die of old age!"

"Well, there is _one_ option, Kaoru-dono."

"Nani?"

"See the rating on this fic? The bit that says 'Fiction Rated: T'?"

"Hai... but I don't understand."

"It means that if we do something which isn't suitable for teenage audiences, then author-dono will have no choice but to end the comment abruptly."

"But what could we..."

Kenshin lifted Kaoru into his arms, crushed her to his chest, and kissed her on the lips. After a few moments of surprise, they were making out in the yard which was conveniently free of both Yahiko and Sano. Eventually, Kenshin let Kaoru up for air.

"M... mou... Kenshin... I... I don't think that's going to be enough..."

"I was just getting you warmed up, Kaoru-chan..."

Kenshin then strode to his bedroom, Kaoru safe in his arms. Once inside, she closed the shoji, and began to slide her gi over her silky skin to expose her

**QuickEdit Message**: This review comment has been truncated due to length limitations and not at all because of naughty, naughty content that would damage young minds. Move along, nothing to see.

* * *

**Author's Rambling**

As you can no doubt guess, this is SiriusFan13's fault. I was _more_ than happy to let sleeping dogs lie, but she just _had_ to go and say that, didn't she? I've always wanted to use Biggles in some capacity, and now I have. That, and I couldn't resist bringing Brown back. If you're wondering why I don't use his first name, it's because I never remember what it is, and even then I can't remember how its spelt... I could look it up, but I just can't be bothered.

For those that don't know, the "E-Z Clone" business is from an episode of _The Angry Beavers_ called "Dag Two Night", I believe. It's hilarious when the army of mentally retarded Dag clones begin marching on Norb...

Speaking of references, the title of this chapter is borrowed from the last episode of the _Excel Saga_ anime. If you haven't seen it, and you value your sanity, don't. It's almost the most disturbing thing you'll ever see...

Anyway, I have to get back to editing the other one-shots that SiriusFan13's demanded I put online. Crazy girl... I should stop sending her these things.

Ja, ne

–賜狼審神

_24th September, 2005_


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